Carrying On for Ricky: A Sister’s Promise 

“I wonder why? Why was it him? Why couldn’t it have been me? And I know I should never question God’s reasonings, but I still do.”

For Buford alumna Amy Willhite, those questions have never gone away.

Grief is a complicated response to loss, bringing not only sadness and confusion but also physical pain. For Willhite, the loss of her younger brother, Ricky Starr, still feels unreal.

“I think I put on a front to make people think that I’m okay,” she said. “I still do my everyday things — I have work, I have to be a mom, I have to be a sister. I may be acting fine and dandy here at work, but at home, it’s a whole other story. I have intrusive thoughts. I would never act on them, but I also wish it would have been me. I wish I could take his spot.”

Starr was 21 years old when he was killed in a car accident on June 20. Known by friends and family as tenderhearted and fun, he left behind a fiancée, Madison, who is expecting their first son, Ozzy — named after Starr’s favorite musician, Ozzy Osbourne.

“I also have to take care of Ozzy, who will be here in a couple of weeks,” Willhite said. “And I have to show his fiancée the love and support that she’s gonna need through this time. It’s a whole new, different experience for her. Her family just kind of got ripped away.”

Growing up, Willhite and Starr were inseparable. She describes him as both her brother and, in many ways, her first child.

“He passed away in a car accident on June 20. They said his last breath was at 8:36 a.m.,” Willhite recalled. “I have lost a brother and I’ve lost a sister, but this death felt different. It was like I lost my son. I think a part of me died when he died.”

Although the crash claimed Starr’s life instantly, the driver survived. Instead of anger, Willhite chooses forgiveness.

“It was an accident, and I hold no grudge for this driver,” she said. “He had to witness things that no one should have to witness.”

Willhite hopes her brother is remembered as someone who forgave easily, admitted when he was wrong, and dreamed of doing great things.

When asked what she would tell him today, her voice broke.

“I want him to know I love him, and I hope I was the best big sister I could have been,” she said. “I hope I showed him all the love and the support he deserved. I just want him to know that Ozzy and Madison will forever be taken care of. I’m gonna make sure that Oz is raised properly and taken care of. And I’m sorry I couldn’t have protected him from this accident. Thank you for being my best friend, my biggest supporter, and the best uncle you could have been to my kids.”

For Willhite, Starr’s memory lives on in love — love for her brother, love for his fiancée, and love for the son who will grow up carrying his name.